Tuesday, 31 March 2015

so, what now?

It's been a while.
Kinda busy with anything that keeps me busy all the time.

Lately I had a good time. Some of them are my best moments.
I feel so blessed. A lot of good things happened to me. I do thankful for that.

It seems that now is how God give me a "present" after what I've been through a few months ago.
Let say..I had a difficult time. Lonely and hopeless and sad is my top 3 feelings in past few months.
I feel empty inside. All I can do is think, and do nothing.

God still loves me, Allah always do, I believe that. So, during my "bad" time, I still have my parents, my cats, my roommate, and my friends. Maybe at that time I didn't realize how important they are in my life. They still love me just the way I am. They love me in their own ways.

But as a normal human being, that have a lot of doubts, I do think..what will happen next? Will it be any another downside? Or another upside? I don't know. And actually I don't want to know. I don't want to assume it too. It's just feel wrong.

As a woman, with a very sensitive heart, mood swing, and good with denial any "signal", now I feel a little bit shaken up. Lack of experience in love life makes me can't learn a lot in that area. And sadly, it's not something that you can learn via books or seminar or any theories. It's something that you have to do it, feel it, face it, be a part of it, and in the end, you'll get the lesson. It can be a "sweet" lesson or maybe a "ripe" one. Nobody know.

It's silly..how I can be so mellow...with something that actually not a big thing.
Dasar cewek, sifat dasarnya emang baper. Makanya saya selalu mengutamakan "denial" untuk menghindari baper yang berkelanjutan. Because once you baper, it will haunt you next time, again and again.

But a moment after feeling so blue, I try to get a grip. Thanks God, System of A Down help me out with their songs.

So, what now?
I don't know...

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